Too Blond To See?

My youngest, 6 1/2 y.o. boy, was reminding me this morning about how he got hit in the eye by a hardball a couple of months ago. He was all shaken up by the event and crying hysterically, but after he was calm and had an ice pack on his quickly-swelling eye, my husband and the kids and a cousin continued with their plans to see a movie at the theater.

He announced he'd like to get hit in the eye again! I asked why. He said, "'Cause after we can go to the movie!"

I told him he was lucky he wasn't hurt worse; it could've done serious damage to his eye, to his vision and he could've gone blind.

This afternoon we brought up the topic again at the lunch table. He repeated to my husband and other two kids what we'd talked about. My husband laughed and said that he doesn't need to get hit by a ball in the eye to go to see a movie.
My little guy piped up and said, "Yeah. If I get hit in the eye again like that, I could become blond!"

Why kids shouldn't be doctors

Chana (7): Leora (her best friend) can't drink soda because when the bubbles pop in her throat she gets weasels.

Me: That's not right.

Chana: I mean measles.

Like a Fox

Mommy: Tell Abba what a good job you did swallowing your pill.

The PT (age 5): I swallowed it like a fox!

Abba: Wow, great!

Abba: ?

Abba: Are foxes good at swallowing pills?

The PT: Well...they're good at swallowing what they chew!

Abba: ??

Howler

This morning the kids watched an episode of Little House on the Prairie in which a character pretended to be a werewolf.

Chana (7): What's a werewolf?

Me: It's a pretend character where a man becomes a wolf, but only at night during a full moon.

Chana: Oh, so that's why it's called a werewolf - because it wears off.

Head shrink

I realized recently that one of my kids' new friends is a friend of mine's daughter (obviously I hadn't seen this friend in quite some time). Just to be sure I asked her about her dad's profession.

Me: Your dad's a psychiatrist, right?

Girl (7): He works with the forehead.

(She dutifully pointed to her forehead)

Bugging her

- <distressed> There's a moth inna kitchen!
- Don't worry about it.
- It's a really big moth! I want you kill it!
- Moths won't hurt you.
- It's freakin' me out!
- Okay, show me where it is.
- Look, right there! (the moth is a half-inch across, big deal)
- <going closer>
- <aghast> Don't touch it!
- How can I do anything if I don't touch it? Settle down.
<I put my toe close, Sweetie squeals, moth doesn't move, I pick it up>
- It's dead, silly.
- <sympathetically> Aw, poor moth.

This reminds me of another episode over a year ago:

- Why can't you go out in the hall?
- There's a spider.
- It's a dead spider! (for the tenth time)
- No, it's sleeping!
- <hearty laughter>

For a few days after that, our bedtime story was about Jesus resurrecting the little girl. We very much enjoyed the similarity between Jesus' words and Sweetie's.

PB&...Cream Cheese?!

From SIL: Last week Ben (3) had convinced me to send him a peanut butter and cream cheese sandwich for lunch. I don't know if he actually ate it, but on Shabbos morning, he again asked me for a pb/cc sandwich, assuring me that he would eat it. He took a few bites, put it down and said, "Imma, I really like it but my tongue isn't available to eat it right now."

*******

Henna Bayla (1) scribbled a picture on the magna-doodle which she claimed was a turtle. As Ben was leaving the room, he commented "that's not a turtle." HB was so insulted - she ran down the hallway, yelling at him "yes it is! yes it is!" she wouldn't stop until he agreed that it was a turtle.

One of KJ's Latest

He runs in going, "Mom, come look!" We go out to where he kneels next to the strawberries and says, "Look, straw-cherries!"

Just Jokin'

You know how in this world you meet people who are always "on" -- always talking (often about themselves); always wanting to be heard; always trying to top another person's story. Always assuming that they are funny and that people will laugh at their jokes.

I'm sometimes"on," not always, and yes, my jokes often miss the mark, so I've seen both sides of the coin. But I know several people who actually get on my nerves when they try to outtalk, outjoke, outdo other people, and the best thing is either to just nod my head to them, and not encourage them by asking questions or making comments, if I have to be in their company.

Recently I spent a Shabbos meal with such a person. That person makes it sound as if he/she is the best, knows the most, tries the hardest, all the while looking for the audience reaction to his/her comments and stories, no doubt hoping they'll laugh.

After listening to this person go on and hog the conversation a lot of the time, in spite of there being several guests around the table, and overshadowing both his/her spouse and others, there was a momentary lull after a string of one-liner type bits.

Suddenly my 8 1/2 -year-old daughter fills the silence: "Are these jokes?" (implying very discreetly: "Are we supposed to be laughing?")

'my hobby is pizza'

(conversations overheard on playdate between the PT, aged 5, and the PT's cohort, aged 5 and 1/2)

PT: what's your hobby?

CT: what's a hobby?

PT: it's something you like very very much.

CT: oh....well then, my hobby is everything!

PT: my hobby is pizza.

____

PT: i have to eat all my food so that when i grow up i can be an airplane pilot!

CT: i have to eat my protein so i can be a librarian.

PT: but when i'm an airplane pilot i won't have children.

CT: why not?

PT: i'm last born. there can't be any more babies.

CT: well then the person you marry will have to have the babies.

PT: hmm...i guess, but then who will be firstborn?

We've Got the Green Light!

Scenario: dinner table.

Conversation: talk of Shabbos and shuls.

Specific conversation: 6 1/2 year old N. asks, "Abba, can we go to the BAYT (one of the two shuls we belong to; a 30 minute walk from our house) next Shabbos?"

Abba: "Im yirtzeh Hashem."

N.: "What?"

Abba repeats: "Im yirtzeh Hashem."

N.: "What does THAT mean?"

Abba: "If Hashem wants us to, [we'll go there]."

30 second pause...

N.: "He does."

5 Year-Old Reasoning

Iguana (age 10): I like swimming class, but that girl keeps teasing me. It really makes me upset. I can't hit her in the pool, and I can't hit her in the locker room.

Abba (age 39): I'm really proud of you, Iguana, you're showing great restraint.

The PT: I know! Why don't you hit her in school!

...

The PT: Why does Iguana get to stay up later than me?!

Fudge (age 17): Because she's older than you. Her brain is bigger.

The PT: ?!?

The PT: Well...my brain is BIGGER because I think a lot of thoughts.

Fudge: Yeah? Name one.

The PT: I can't. There's too many. Maybe one day, when I'm much older, and I can write, I'll write them down for you. But I can't tell you until then.

Truth in advertising

Me: Wasn't that woman's baby cute?

Rivka (5): Yeah, but it was fat.

Me: I prefer the term "pudgy."

Chana (7): What does "pudgy" mean?

Me: Um... fat.

Chana: Uh-huh.

Hello, gentlemen!

Tonight I was recording some Bible verses so that Sweetie(6) could memorize them. Of course, the idea of recording and playing back her voice was quite a novelty, so after I finished she had to do it too. Here are some of the very cute results:

John 3:16

Hello, gentlemen!

Lullaby

All this was improv, except for the Bible verse. I don't know where all the sisters and the brother came from.

**Free file hosting from File Den**

To Buy or Not To Buy

When Mommy wants to go shopping and baby doesn't:
Ima:Come on, Squirt, we have to go grocery shopping.

Squirt (2): No!

Ima: Yes, we have to go to No Frills. (One of our local grocery stores)

Squirt:No! No Frills is closed! It is not open!!

C'est la vie

So the kids are performing "Phantom of the Opera" at Drama camp. My five-year-old, Rivka, wanted me to help her with her lines. She can't read yet, so I have to recite the lines so she can repeat them.

Me: "Welcome to the show, everyone"

Rivka: No, Dad, you have to say it in French. Like this (here, she assumes a higher voice and some sort of weird dialect): "Velcome to zee show, evereewun."

Because...

Youngest Son (3) has learned his first Word We Wish He Wouldn't Use: "stupid." Husby and I have told him that he may use it in his room and the bathroom as much as he wants, but it is not acceptable to use anywhere else in the house, or out in public, and we do not use it to describe people.

So the other day, while driving down the road, Youngest Son uses it again and Oldest Son (5) calls him on it.

Oldest Son: Eema! (Hebrew for Mom) [YS] just said stupid again.

Me: I heard. [YS], where can you use that word?

Youngest Son: In my room. Or the bathroom.

Oldest Son: Then how come you said it in the van?

Youngest Son: Because I have a mouth.

High hopes

The girls are in a performing arts camp, which culminates in a production (sort of) of "Phantom of the Opera."

Rivka (5): Is "Phantom of the Opera" famous?

Me: I guess so.

Rivka: So we're gonna be famous?!