Monday, October 30, 2006

The taste of blood

<Sweetie (7) was playing with Daddy's blood sugar meter. We let her prick herself in hopes that she'll be less scared of needles at the doctor.>

- Ooh, I licked the blood!
- Ohh-kay. Does it taste good?
- Yeah. If you take a drink it'll taste even better!
- Hmmm, does that mean it doesn't taste so good, really?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

When South Park visits Sesame Street

So tell me, do we encourage our kids to try to count their numbers, even if what they are counting is absolutely disgusting?

I am not one for potty humor, but if I was in the public restroom overhearing the conversation of my son, I would be laughing very hard.

A few years ago, my girlfriend taught my daughter, who was 4 years old back then, the terms "number one" and "number two", but she didn't quite grasp the concept and thought it was literal. Whenever she would go to the bathroom, she would always give me a report on the "number" when she was finished.

Somehow, this misinformation was passed down to my 4 year old son and whenever we take him to the bathroom, especially, of course, in a public restroom, he will start to count, and count, and count (he has a great digestive system.)

I played along with him because, unlike his sister at his age, my son's counting skills are still quite immature, so what a great opportunity for him to practice and listen to him count.

I just can imagine the expressions on the other women in the restrooms - probably everything from giggling to annoyance to have to hear this little voice counting his poop.

Oh the joys of childhood and the rewards of parenthood! : )

In the Eyes of a Boy

My four year old, after blowing his nose.

"Look mom, my snot looks like a slug!"

(Mom - rolling her eyes in disgust - oh yuck - THANKS SO MUCH for sharing!)

Even Dinosaurs Kept Kosher

Last night I was reading to my children, ages 4 and 7, a book on dinosaurs. When describing one dinosaur it said it was an herbivore. I asked my oldest if she new what that meant and she said no. So I asked her if she knew what a carnivore was.

"It's a meat-eater."

"Ok then, what do you think an herbivore is?"

"A milk-eater."

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Psychotoddler Definitions:

Plastic Surgeon: One who operates on action figures.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Sponge Bob

For some reason KJ (3.5 y/o) likes Sponge Bob. He's never seen the cartoon but he says things like, "Would Sponge Bob like it?" or "Is he like Sponge Bob?" The other day he got off the bus wearing a Sponge Bob jacket. I asked him, "Where did you get that jacket?" He said, "It's mine." The teacher aboard the bus said, "He told us that was his." KJ said, "BYE." wanting her to hurry and leave. Silly boy. I snuck it back to the teacher in a black plastic bag the next day. What is the deal with Sponge Bob that children like him?

Monday, October 09, 2006

Rosh hashana according to Mordechai

From last year's playbook when Mordechai was five:

This is how it works: There are three books. One is for mal'achim (angels) and they for sure get a sweet new year. One is for resha'im (wicked people) and they don't get a sweet new year. And most of us are in the middle book. We sometimes do mitzvos and sometimes do aveiros. If we daven and do teshuva we'll get to the book for a sweet new year. If not, chas v'shalom, we go to the book for not a sweet new year. But children don't have to worry so much 'cause this is mostly for grown-ups.

Naming rights

Mordechai (6): I'm going to name my first kid Avi 'cuz that's Sabba's name. And if it's a girl, I'll name her Elisheva like Savta.

Me: Usually, Ashkenazi Jews like us only name after people who have already passed away.

Mordechai (quite matter-of-factly): Yeah, I know. But they'll probably be dead by then.

Me: I don't think so. You know, they're not that old.

Mordechai (starting to calculate): Well, I will probably start looking for a wife when I'm twenty and Sabba and Savta are around 55, right? It might take me a while to find someone so let's say I get married when I'm 23 or 24. So they'll be around 75 and that's pretty old....

Me: I see. Well, I hope they'll still be living to see you have lots of kids.

A note to the reader: This is a true story!