Saturday, June 10, 2006

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

"Mommy why do grown-ups kiss that way?"

"What way? You mean not the small kind of kiss we give to you?"

"Yes. You and daddy kiss that way, and they kiss that way in the movies. You don't like it when I try to give those types of kisses to you and daddy. You say that only grown-ups can kiss that way. Why?"

Hmmm? Any suggestions on how to explain romantic kissing to a seven year old. I'm stumped. I usually don't have a problem explaining most birds and the bees type of questions, but this, I have no idea where to go with it.

Help.....

12 comments:

PsychoToddler said...

My kids don't like kissing period. So you're on your own with that one.

Kiwi the Geek said...

(Sweetie asks all the time about the rules of who you can see without clothes, so I've got this down.)

There's a special kind of kissing that God wants you to save for only one person your whole life. You have to grow up first and be very careful who you choose to be your husband or wife, and you have to love that person no matter what, even when you don't feel like it. After you get married, and promise to love that person forever, then you can kiss them any way you want, but if you kiss somebody else that way, even before you meet the one special person, you're stealing something from them. It's very beautiful when you kiss that one person, in a way that you never kissed anybody else.

Never mind divorce or death until she asks.

Sweettooth120 said...

Very sweet explanation, but not sure if she would buy that. She is quite perceptive and would catch on quick that romantic kissing isn't only for married couples.

But it's worth a try.

PT - HOW OLD ARE YOUR SONS??? : )

PsychoToddler said...

Old enough that they don't want me kissing them!

I can sometimes plant one on the PT--If I move fast enough!

PsychoToddler said...

Actually, once a week everyone gets a kiss whether they want one or not: Friday night I bless the children before kiddush and they each get a peck on the scalp.

Unless they're away in college or yeshiva.

Sweettooth120 said...
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Sweettooth120 said...

GIRLS - PT - GIRLS! : )

PsychoToddler said...

I have 3 girls and only one who is in any way touchy-feely.

Ralphie said...

Kiwi - nice response. Glad it's up here in case I ever need it.

Meanwhile, my girls (5 & 7) often try to kiss me on the lips (just a peck - they don't know about all that other "romantic" kissing of which you speak). But I don't even like that. Maybe I have issues. Anyway, I just tell them it's not appropriate. They laugh and try again.

Sweettooth120 said...

I don't mind the peck on the lips from my children, but my daughter is VERY perceptive and notices everything from stuff on tv to folks around her. She's just very curious and asks a lot of questions. That particular question just caught me off guard. She doesn't try all the time to get away with another type of kiss, but every once a while, when she's feeling silly, she will.

As for the "your issues". I guess I have them too. I hate it when anyone else whether it's on my side of the family or my husband's family wants to give me a kiss on the lips. I don't care if I come across rude, I always give them my cheek.

Kiwi the Geek said...

Those are not "issues", they are perfectly reasonable boundaries. My whole extended family kisses on the lips, but I never liked it, partly because of other issues in the family. (And they are serious issues.) By the time I grew up, the only adult I would kiss was my mother, on the cheek. Everybody else has to be satisfied with hugs, and some don't even get that. I don't touch people I don't have an emotional connection to, so deal with it. Ironically, I've had a few friends I could have kissed on the cheek, but I didn't because it would have freaked them out.

Beloved feels the same way about lip-kissing, even a little peck. From the very beginning, we encouraged Sweetie to avoid the lips, and now she's old enough to understand it's a rule. At her mother's, they kiss on the lips, and tragically, there's a strong likelihood of much worse, (which CPS won't do anything about) so we have very strict modesty rules that we hope will give her the confidence to enforce her personal boundaries.

When explaining to Sweetie why we don't kiss lips, I said there's a way to do it that's only for married people, and a way that's for anybody, but it can be hard for a little kid to tell the difference. We don't want anybody to make a mistake, so in our family, we just don't do it.

averagedrinker said...

start by telling your kid that someday, she can kiss that way,too. it's just a matter of getting in the right age. there are certain things that only adults can do.like in the case of my boyfriend's daughter who's 5, he asked her dad why do adults chat and then meet up? kids nowadays, so clever.it's because her dad and i met on webdate and after that, we seemed to fit in.