not good

me: i'm not feeling so good today.

the pt: neither is the fish, and he's dead.

All the Rage

The PT (age 6): Behold, Curly! I feel the rage to jump on you!

Curly (13): Huh?

The PT: YAAAAAAAH!

Curly: AHHHHH!

---

The PT: I feel the rage for some pancakes. Fudge, can you give me some pancakes?

Fudge: ?

---

The PT: I have the rage to sit on the blue chair.

---

The PT: I have the rage for some milk.

Iguana: Uhhh...you want milk?

---

The PT: Uh...HELLO?? Whoever's in the bathroom?? I feel the rage to use the bathrooooooom!!

Wildlife

I'm going back in time here to something that made me smile about a year and a half ago when Andy was a couple of months old and I started bathing him on the bath sling with Ann next to him in the big bath.

Ann (a little more than 2 and a half at the time): Is the new baby a zoo animal or a farm animal?

Me: What? Your brother is not an animal at all. (Yet . . .)

Ann: But I think he's like a pet.

Me: Why?

Ann: Because look, he has a little tail!



Don't hate me one day for sharing this one, kids!

Courtship

Chana (8): Daddy, do I have to wait til I'm married to date?

Me: You have to date before you get married.

Chana: Well Sharon's mother said that she can't date until she's done with college and married.

Me: I think Sharon's mom was just joking.

Chana: Oh. (beat) Perhaps in college I'll find a boy I can admire.

Tipping His Hand

This may be the best story ever...

Ben (4) to his mother (Imma): I don't like getting angry because then I get punished. Well, only if Daddy's taking care of me. He'll put me in time out or something. If it's you then you'll tell me to act nicely next time. But if you're not home or in the bathroom or sleeping, I'll get punished.

Imma: So you think you can act angry when I'm taking care of you because I'm not going to punish you?

Ben (realizing he just tipped his hand): Don't worry, Imma. I'll forget that I said that. I love you Imma! I won't forget that I said that!

Wrong foot

Ada (2 1/2) is all too familiar with the experience of trying to put her shoe on the wrong foot. She usually figures it out when she realizes she is having way too much trouble than would normally be expected from a harmless velcro shoe. The other day she was trying to put on her sock by herself and the sock just didn't seem to want to cooperate. She turned to me in frustration and asked, "It's the wrong foot?"

Thing 3, Goats, & Cottage Cheese

Wanna Saab's Thing 3 (also known as my niece) explains the making of cottage cheese.

Thank You Susan

The neighbor boy came over to play with KJ (4 y/o) they were laying train tracks and KJ said, "Mom help me, it's stuck" so I got down there and fixed it. Neighbor boy says, "Thank you" then KJ said, "Thank you, thank you Susan." (my real name) It just took me by surprise, that's the first time he's ever done that. Then he said, "Oh am I supposed to call you mom?" All three of us laughed.

Super-Frum!

One of my sisters-in-law (E) related the following story from Danya, her 5-1/2 year old...

Talking about an 18-year old cousin who has been dating a guy in her high school for a while:

Danya: I don't think they're going to get married.
E: Danya, why not?
Danya: Because they know each other.
E: Why is that a problem?
Danya: You don't marry people you know!!
E: (laughing) So Danya, when are you supposed to meet them!?
Danya: At the vort!! [engagement party]

every person has their tachlis

the pt: fudge, let's play a game.

fudge: ok.

the pt: whenever i say 'situation', i mean job. so it goes like this- what's the situation for a tree?

fudge: um...i don't know.

the pt: to produce...oxygen...DUH.

fudge: oh, ok.

the pt: let's try again. what's the situation for a sidewalk?

fudge: so you can walk on it?

the pt: ding!

fudge: alright!

the pt: what's the situation for a car?

fudge: so you can go far places in it?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for a sign?

fudge: so people know how to drive?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for an acorn?

fudge: so it can grow into a tree?

the pt: ehhhhmp. try again.

fudge: um...so it can be eaten by squirrels?

the pt: to feed squirrels, actually. but so close! ding.

fudge: so much for my winning streak.

the pt: what's the situation for a toy?

fudge: so kids can play with it?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for the garbage?

fudge: so we can throw away stuff we don't need?

the pt: ding. what's the situation for an ant?

fudge: um.....

the pt: (if there is none, you can just go likes this) ::she shrugs::

fudge (shrugs)

the pt: ding! what's the situation for a person?

fudge: uhhh....

the pt: this is so easy.

fudge: uhh..... (shrugs)

the pt: ehhhhhmp. try again.

fudge: uhhhh.....ermmm....to be a....friend?

the pt: ehhhhmo. try again.

fudge: i give up, the pt. what's the situation for a person?

the pt: to work at a hospital. DUH.

Red Flowers, Arguments, And Insecurities

Definitions

Chana (almost 8): What does "surrender" mean?

Me: To give up.

Rivka (almost 6): You mean like to forfeit?
----
Chana: What does "bicker" mean?

Me: Bigger? What are you talking about?

Rivka: It means "argue."

Who is Rich?

The PT (age 6!): Fudge, did you see my rich picture?

Fudge (18): Yes it's very nice. Why is it the 'rich' picture?

The PT: Because they're happy with what they have.

Fudge: I see...what are these?

The PT: Jewels.

Fudge: And that house looks pretty big.

The PT: It's a castle.

Fudge: So they're rich because they live in a castle and have jewels.

The PT: That's why they're happy with what they have!

When Brothers Escape from Yeshiva...

Instant Message from Fudge (at home):


fudge: abba

fudge: rafiki is here

psychotoddler: what the

fudge: that is what i said

fudge: he appeared like dracula

fudge: from the night

fudge: he says he left his usb drive in the back of your car

psychotoddler: which car

fudge: your red car

psychotoddler: too bad for him

fudge: your midlife crisis vehicle

fudge: your flaming

fudge: uh

fudge: he wants to know if you can fax it over

psychotoddler: fax a flash drive?

fudge: he is not serious apparently

psychotoddler: who can tell

fudge: not i

psychotoddler: how did he get there

fudge: it was like a flash of blinding light

fudge: there was a poof

fudge: i thought it was you, and screamed

fudge: and then he was back alive

psychotoddler: ack!

psychotoddler: this would make a good post

fudge: not really

fudge: but you know what would make a good post

fudge: The PT's coming home in two minutes

fudge: wait till SHE sees him

psychotoddler: he can yell surprise

fudge: it will be 'what the' times two

psychotoddler: more like

psychotoddler: "I want a yogurt"

fudge: what do you know of yoghurts?

psychotoddler: I know there's no h in yogurt

fudge: there are in british ones

fudge: and healthy ones

psychotoddler: the british misspell everything

Oh, brother!

Mordechai (7) was wondering about Mothers' Day and about how the whole thing got started. I explained to him the whole Hallmark thing. He then asked, "Why don't they have Brothers' Day?"

"Well, um, I don't really know," I replied.

Mordechai shrugged and said, "It doesn't matter anyway because one day I'll be a father."

UPDATE: I was telling the story over to Dovid and Sari (4) piped up to say, quite matter-of-factly, "On Mothers' Day all the non-Jewish fathers take the mothers to a fancy restaurant."

Got that Dovid?

I Just Want my Nose Back

I brought KJ (4 y/o) to the clinic for red eyes. The pediatrician said she thinks he may have a little conjunctivitis, so she gave him drops. Earlier that morning KJ came into my room and said, "Momma, I need a new nose." I could tell his nose was plugged. So at the clinic the Pediatrician asked, "So how you doing little guy?" KJ said, "I just want my nose back." she said, "Oh, he just wants his nose back doesn't he?"

A Surprise for Mommy

As we were leaving preschool today, Ann pointed out a row of painted projects that were drying in the hallway outside the classroom. They seemed to be little cups full of earth, a popsicle stick, and some beans.

"Mommy," said Ann, "Do you know what's coming up after Lag Ba'Omer?"

"What?"

"Mother's Day."

"Really?"

"Yes. And we will say thank you for you doing things for us. Like giving us food, or things to eat, or just everything."

"That's very nice, Ann."

"Also, we will give you something. It's a surprise, so I'm not going to tell you that it's a plant! I'll tell you what the surprise is going to be when you open it!"

"I can't wait, Ann!"

JIB Awards!

We've been nominated (well, by me, but hey, just go with it) for a Jewish and Israeli Blog Award in the Best Group Blog category!

The JIBs are a great way to get new readers introduced to blogs, so let's make a good impression and get our kids to say some truly goofy things!

You can vote here.

Ghost of Fudge

Our daughter Fudge is away in New York (vote here!), but her spirit lives on in her five-year-old sister:

Mrs. B: Did you eat all these cookies??

The PT: No, I licked them.

What's in a Name?

Wednesday is recycling day around here, and it was time to get the pile of recyclable paper out to the trash can.

One piece of paper in the pile was a plain, white envelope with Ann's name on it in red marker - the envelope that had contained her "Preschool Graduation" invitation (!).

Ann (3) snatched it out of the pile, and dramatically exclaimed, "My name!! You can't throw my name into the garbage! I need to keep my name for a long, long time!"