Our Kids Speak

2009-10-07T23:16:00.001-05:00

Ada (5) was sitting in a shopping cart and started scratching the back of her knee vigorously. I asked her what the matter was and she answered, "My legpit itches me."

2009-10-07T23:14:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I had this conversation with my 7-year-old.

Sari: Mommy, do I go to a private school?

Me: Yes, you do.

Sari (after a moment's pause): Then how come it's out in middle of the street?

Almost five!

2009-08-12T18:19:00.001-05:00

Someone asked Ada the other day how old she was. Her response:

"Four and a half and three-quarters."

Welcome to 2009

2009-05-19T21:47:00.004-05:00

Interestingly, it has been almost a year since my last post. Much has changed, and some things not so much.

Anyway - I wanted to give a cyber shout out (can you still do that?) to the 300+ girls who graduated from Stern College this last week.

I was just so proud of them all....

Maybe this one in particular.

Thank you for that moment of nachas... now

I have to go assemble and install my new ceiling fan.

A Balabusta's work is never done.

A whole new world

2009-03-02T11:16:00.002-06:00

During the "Whole New World" number of the Aladdin Musical at Disney's California Adventure, various world landmarks are displayed on stage. Here was the exchange when the Parthenon appeared:

Rivka (7): Look - the Reagan Library.

Chana (9): No, that's the Beit HaMikdash.

Worthy of a Smile

2009-02-19T20:58:00.003-06:00

I received a comment today on a blog post of mine, and the person also told me this wonderful little tidbit, that is worthy of being shared.

When my niece Sarah was 2 (she is now 20), and was put on the phone to talk to her Nana (my Mom) and give her a Sabbath greeting, little Sarah says, in a sweet and earnest voice: "Good Shopping Nana".

Plea

2009-01-12T18:00:00.001-06:00

Shlomit (2.5) is in the bath. She wants me to rinse her off one more time, but I say she's done. She persists:

Shlomit: I beggy you.

Me: What?

Shlomit: I'm begging you.

Crayons

2009-01-12T10:15:00.000-06:00

From my sister-in-law SIL:

Shen (almost 2) worked very hard to clean up a lot of crayons from the floor. A few minutes later, she was dancing to some music and she stepped into the still open box of crayons spilling most of them back onto the floor. She took a deep breath and let it out, stared at the mess for a few moments, then turned to me and said "I sad."

Letter from the Squirt

2009-01-04T13:04:00.002-06:00

The following is the email Squirt (5) sent me (I'm away at school), typed of course by an older sibling:

Dear [Tzipster],
I'm having a good time. i got $20 from bubby to buy a chanuka present and i am going to decide it to be a Bionicle.i like to have fun with bionicles because lego is also fun. and bionicles are made in the same company as Lego. 7 days i spent writing on a notebook. i learned how to write better and i know how to spell "hat"
HAT (PEAnut gallery:that took a few tries)
Love
Eli
have a good time
is it snowing?
what time is it?

i think he confused me with older brother in Israel, because every time he "writes" he asks me what time it is. I keep trying to explain to him that we're in the same time zone, but he doesn't quite get it...

Beating Eggs

2009-01-03T19:44:00.003-06:00

On Friday, Ada and I were preparing challah dough. I was narrating the process and after we had checked the eggs to make sure they were kosher, I announced that I was going to beat the eggs. After I had whisked them for a few moments, Ada called out in glee:

"You won!"

What holiday is this, anyway?

2008-12-25T03:14:00.002-06:00

We always go to church on Christmas Eve for the candlelight service. Monday, Sweetie (9) and I had this conversation:

- Can we go to Hanukkah?
- Hanukkah isn't a place, it's a holiday. Are you saying you want to celebrate Hanukkah? <all ready to explain about the menorah>
- I wanna go to church.
- We don't celebrate Hannukah at church, that would be at a synagogue. <all ready to explain what a synagogue is>
- No, the candles at church.
- <finally getting it> You mean you want to go to the candlelight service on Christmas eve?
- Yeah!

She must have learned about Hanukkah at school, and connected the candles in the menorah with the candles on Christmas Eve.

SIL, Fashionista

2008-11-24T14:47:00.001-06:00

From my sister-in-law: Last night I was getting ready to go to the Chofetz Chaim Annual Dinner and I was wearing a fancy outfit. Shira (almost 2) patted my skirt and said "I-like-it dress". I had yet to put on my make-up and wig, but Ben (6) thought that was fine. He commented, "It's good that you look beautiful, but not so beautiful because then you'd be showing off."

On Shabbos, Ben and Hen (4) were finding commonalities in everyone's clothing color, but Hen announced that since she was wearing black, she went with everyone because "black matches everything."

Voting

2008-11-06T12:36:00.000-06:00

From SIL: When we were on line to vote on Tuesday, Henna Bayla (5) pointed to an African American man behind us and said very loudly, "He has the same color hair as Obama!"

Pigs

2008-11-05T12:44:00.000-06:00

While walking into the house from the car:

SD: Abba's a pig
ME: [about to reprimand him that we don't call people pigs, especially Abba]
SD: You're a pig, and ZB is a pig. I'm the big bad wolf. If you don't build your house strong enough, I'll blow it down.
ME: [glad I hadn't said anything]

pearls of wisdom from the pt

2008-10-19T16:00:00.002-05:00

here are your yuntif tidbits:

1. "looks like second grade turned into yuntif grade."

2. "yonina, let's play a game. i see one tree that's more colorful than any other tree on our block. which one am i looking at?"

"er...the brown one?"

"no."

"uh...the light silver one?"

"um...no."

"okay, i give up."

"it's the red one."

"there aren't any red trees on our block!"

"that one right there, yonina. it's very bright."

"OH! you meant the LEAVES?"

homework

2008-10-12T22:50:00.002-05:00

one of yonina's homework assignments i found lying around:

"Make a 'To Do List' for a Secret Person! Fill in the steps:

1. wake up
2. get jrest
3. brush teeth
4. go to the ofinige
5. get chiltrin brecfist

Who Am I: Quintes Lincin (teacher's comment: Lincoln?) "

Home of the rich and famous

2008-10-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Mordechai (8) was complaining about the lack of scheduled activites for Erev Yom Kippur.

“I’m gonna be so bored!” he said.

I pointed out that we could play, read, and eat. I also mentioned that we still had to do tashlich. Then I added, "Oh, and we have to do kapparos tomorrow!"

His response: "Yeah, but what's the point of doing kapparos…there’s no poor people in Palm Beach!"

A g'mar chatimah tovah to all!

Kids in the Kitchen

2008-09-28T01:04:00.002-05:00

Situation: Serach was baking cookies with Elianna

Serach: Elianna, let's add some baking soda now.

Elianna: Ooh, baking Coke!

Deleted

2008-09-08T15:04:00.003-05:00

Sorry, I posted in wrong room. Couldnt' find how to delete the whole post.

Well, I should add something, lets see. My five year old boy told me he wants to be a Narrow-surgeon. I couldn't figure out what he meant until he said, "you know, your brain?"

Mixed Up Relationships

2008-08-21T09:04:00.000-05:00

SD (3 1/2) asked Abba last night if I was Abba's daughter.

When I Grow Up...

2008-08-05T15:57:00.000-05:00

From SIL about my nephew, Ben.

Ben likes the animal-theme bathroom cups at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Cleveland.
Ben: When I'm an adult I'm going to get those animal cups -- if they're cheap.
SIL: Well, if they're so important to you, maybe you'll get them even if they're not cheap.
Ben: When I'm an adult, they're not going to be important to me.

You Can Have a Cookie

2008-07-11T08:18:00.001-05:00

Note: This story was sent to me

Background: My daughter (just turned 3 yo) frequently has temper tantrums and cries and screams until she works it out or falls asleep.
Several times my wife tried to coax her out of them by saying something like "You can have a cookie if you stop crying."

My wife recently had a miscarriage. We were at the hospital for a D&C as the baby wasn't coming out on its own. Because of the timing of events, I wasn't able to get anyone to watch my daughter, so we had her with us. (I had books, crayons, etc.) Just before she had to leave the waiting area for surgery, everything really hit my wife and she started crying very hard. A passing nurse gave us some water and a popsicle. After checking to make sure the popsicle was kosher, I gave half of it to my daughter while trying to comfort my wife. (she wasn't allowed to eat or drink)

My daughter then stood up, held out the popsicle to my wife and said in a coaxing voice: "Mommy, you can have a popsicle if you stop crying!"

That got my wife and I laughing, and helped to calm her down before she left. (Thank G-d, everything went OK and my wife is doing better, physically and emotionally).

When You Know Your Kids Need More Religious Diversity

2008-07-03T17:35:00.002-05:00

My kids are happily Jewish, and while I thought we were doing a good job of teaching awareness and respect for religious diversity (most of their playdate friends are not Jewish), I had to rethink our strategy when this conversation came up:

Oldest Son (7): Are we mammals?

Me: Yes.

Oldest Son: So me and [Youngest Son] and Abba (Hebrew for Dad) and you are all mammals?

Me: Yes. All human beings are mammals.

Oldest Son: Even Christians?

A Return On My Investment

2008-06-06T18:32:00.006-05:00

My stepdaughter Sweetie (8) goes back and forth between two homes. For the five years I've been mothering her, I've been trying to teach her about God and develop her character, but there are competing influences. Today, she told me about a conversation with her friend.

Jenny said she has powers. She said she can make weather. But I said, "No, God makes the weather!" And she said witches are real. But I said, "No, they aren't. God is real!"

My efforts are not in vain!

Spotty Record

2008-05-15T12:41:00.003-05:00

Doesn't anybody blog anymore??

Pattern Classification with the Raggedys:

Andy (2 1/2) was sorting his sister's shirts.

He came to one shirt, and proclaimed it "Polka Dot!"

The next shirt was solid, and he held it up, smiled, and said, "No-ka dot!"

Not Cool

2008-04-15T13:49:00.002-05:00

SD (3) was standing while munching on cold cereal that was in a bowl on the table. I told him it might be easier to eat if he sat in his chair. His response-"it's not cool to sit!"

Spiders

2008-04-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

This post will need a little preface so you can appreciate the humor more. The 'ch' in the story has a ches sound.

ZB (5) was learning letter 'S' last week and the teacher expanded on the the letter by teaching the kids about spiders.

ZB: Ema, I learned about arachnitz (ches sound) today.
ME: What?
ZB: Arachnitz
ME: What's that?
ZB: spiders are arachnitz not insects
ME: Do you mean arachnids?

Tzara'as Comparisons

2008-04-07T19:47:00.003-05:00

I was teaching the Parashas HaShavuah (weekly Torah portion) to my 2nd graders this week, and was speaking about the Tzara'as (leprosy) that affected a person who spoke badly about another. I told them that in addition to appearing on the body, Tzara'as could also come onto the clothing of a person. My student, A, responded, "Well, if it goes on your clothing, you could just put it in the laundry!" I explained that I don't think it would come off in the wash, because Hashem had sent it for a reason. She then said, "Oh, so it's like a grape juice stain!"

Runs in the Family II

2008-03-27T12:57:00.002-05:00

First, a couple of great stories from Elianna (2) and my nephew Ben (5).

But there's also this one:

Ben, so sweet, so innocent: Imma in my class we have a disgusting tape. It says "Avremel had unexpected kitchen duty."

Duct Tape

2008-03-18T18:52:00.003-05:00

Last week, Elmo (4) cut the cord of my phone charger. Almost immediatly after discovering this, older brother Izzy (17), began attempting to duct tape it back together (eventually suceeded). Meanwhile, Imma was trying to get Elmo to realize what he had done.
Imma: "What should we do when little boys cut up things that aren't theirs, Elmo?"
Elmo: "Tell Izzy to put duck tape on it?"

on Moshiach...

2008-03-12T13:37:00.000-05:00

Kids are so innocent. So real. So untainted.
My 2nd grade students were hanging out near my desk during recess complaining about the unfairness of being young because the 6th grade was having a grand Bas Mitzvah Brunch and they're even having a chocolate fountain and blah blah blah.
One kid says, "Uch, it's going to be like forever til were in sixth grade. Six- no wait, um... 4 years!"
A second delicious kid turns to me and says,
"Yeah, Moshiach's already going to be here when we're in 6th grade!"

(I responded, "Don't worry, we'll make a grand Bas Mitzvah Brunch in Eretz Yisrael for you..."

but...!!!! Halevay we would all think like that....!

Best Line From Shabbos

2008-02-25T18:20:00.001-06:00

...also known as "why I'm afraid to eat at the Raggedys."

Raggedy Mom: Where do big boys make?

Raggedy Andy (2) : In the oven!

Say what?

2008-02-19T19:45:00.002-06:00

Mordechai picked up a tube of Lotrimin that was on the table.

Mordechai: What's this?
Daddy: Medicine.
M: For what?
D: For athlete's foot.
M: For who's foot?

Jewish Presidents

2008-02-06T21:26:00.000-06:00

ZB (almost 5) was telling me what he learned in school. He told me he learned about presidents Washington and Avraham Lincoln.

Son's 5th Birthday

2008-01-30T23:28:00.000-06:00

February 1st my son turns five years old. David said, "So you're going to have a birthday on Friday? How old are you going to be?"
"Sive" KJ said, "I'm going to be old"
I said, "Five isn't old sweetie."
He looked at me and seriously asked, "It isn't?" He already feels old. ;)

Kidspeak

2008-01-29T21:50:00.000-06:00

My youngest has unintentionally, unwittingly coined a new word: "Shan"

Some weeks ago, I thought I was hearing things. "Eema, shan I finish my homework now?" "Abba, shan I give Max his supper?"

When I first asked, "What did you say, Noam?" he repeated it again. And again. And again.
It began to grow on us, even though it's absolutely wrong. I don't correct him too much on it anymore simply because I like to hear him use the word.

"Shan": another word for "should"; derived from "shall" and "can".

Not that old yet...

2008-01-29T08:30:00.000-06:00

I recently had a birthday. Tikvah, my 4 year old, asked me how old I was now. I told her I just turned 38 years old. She looked at me in awe. Then she asked in a quiet voice, "Does that mean you are going to die soon?"

Oy, thanks for the vote of encouragement! (and I pointed out that all 4 of her grandparents were older than me, and they were all still very much alive, ptu, ptu, ptu [sorry, too much Treppenwitz])

Ebay, Look Out!

2008-01-27T16:37:00.000-06:00

My youngest, who will turn 8, G-d willing in a couple of months, went through his POKEMON cards phase. "Abba, can we buy a pack after school?" "Eema, I promise this will be the last time I ask you for a pack." How many times did we hear that refrain?

Yes, we bought him cards...to a limit. We bought him a collector tin and special cards that went with it.

These cards were traded back and forth between friends, but my kid (not always so wise) would even trade some of his new, crisp cards for dog-eared, weathered-looking other cards. We tried to teach him how to do a wise trade, but he's his own man.

Perhaps shul isn't the place for the POKEMON cards, so what did the kid do? He put his cards in a Torah Cards collectors portfolio. We would tell people at shul, "Do you want to see Noam's Torah Cards?" And he'd reveal what was really between the covers, beaming wholeheartedly.

Yesterday, I realized that he hasn't touched his cards in a LONG, LONG time. His collectors portfolio sits on our front hallway bench from the last time he took it to shul to show his friends.

I made a remark: "Noam, you haven't played with your POKEMON cards in a long time."

Noam: "I know.... I can sell them on eBay."

Me: "Who told you that?!" (hiding the laughter)

Noam: "Nobody."

So maybe Noam isn't the best at trading cards, but eBay you'd better look out for this 7-year-old. I'm really curious as to what he'll want to price these cards! The sky's the limit...

From the Complaints Dept.

2008-01-09T18:28:00.001-06:00

Refer please to Diagram A:

It was a lot of fun...really...

2008-01-09T16:23:00.000-06:00

PT: Fudge! We had SO much fun in school today! Wanna hear how much fun we had?

FUDGE: Okay.

PT: Well, there were these magnets, and everybody had a different table, and every table had one writer...

FUDGE: That sounds terrific.

PT: And everybody told the writers what to write, and they wrote everybody's ideas down...except nobody wrote down my ideas because they only wanted to write down what shprintzy said...

FUDGE: Uh, the PT-

PT: And then, we were supposed to all see if the magnets could pick up the paperclips, and everybody got a turn...or at least everybody was supposed to get a turn....

FUDGE: Uh, the PT, you sound a little bitter.

PT: What is that supposed to mean?

FUDGE: You know. Mad.

PT: Well, Shprintzy DID take all the paperclips at table three, and Mindy DIDN'T let anyone else use the magnets at table one, and I wasn't a writer.

FUDGE: Did you tell the teacher?

PT (offended): No! I was having so much fun!

Didn't cut the mustard

2008-01-09T13:36:00.000-06:00

Here's how Rivka (6) greeted me when I came home from work the other night:

Rivka: WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A MUSTARD SANDWICH?

Me: I think I gave you a cheese sandwich in your lunch.

Rivka: Daddy, it had mustard on it. DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE????

Rambo

2008-01-06T10:13:00.000-06:00

The PT: Wanna see my new picture?

Me: Sure!

Me: Hmm...Rambo?

The PT: No! Rainbow!

Bathroom Door Humor

2007-12-24T14:47:00.001-06:00

Oldest Son (almost 7) and Youngest Son (4-1/2) have lately taken the concept of privacy to heart. It coincided with being separated into their own rooms (temperament needs) and they love knocking on each other's doors and asking if they can come in.

But this one caught me off guard:

Oldest Son (running upstairs): I have to go potty!

Youngest Son (running after him): Me too!

OS: I get it first!

YS: I get it second!

OS: Okay (closes bathroom door)

YS knocks on bathroom door.

OS: Who is it?

YS (after a long pause): Who do you think it is?

Of Course, Some Do Go Both Ways

2007-12-23T09:59:00.000-06:00

Abba: Are you an innie or an outie?

The PT (6): I'm a rightie.

What's In There?

2007-12-22T21:59:00.000-06:00

My niece Dassi (5) is quite the blunt one.

D: What do you have in there?
Ez: Huh?
D: What's in your tummy? Is there something in there? It's kind of fat. Why is your tummy so fat?

Zero Years Old

2007-12-18T17:51:00.000-06:00

Driving carpool is always a surefire way to hear some preschool pearls of wisdom.

Our neighbor's son, S was talking to my daughter Ann (both 4).

S: The last time (another boy) was at my house for a playdate, my brother N was zero years old.

Ann (while wrinkling nose): What's zero?

S (shrugs): I'm not sure, but it means that you don't have any teeth yet.

Let Them Eat Steak

2007-12-17T19:03:00.001-06:00

When Kids Sing

2007-12-16T14:21:00.000-06:00

From Youngest Son (4-1/2), singing happily on the way home from school:

"Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool,
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for the master, one for the dame,
One for the little boy who lives down the drain..."

Concept of a new baby

2007-12-14T13:16:00.001-06:00

Hi, Psychotoddler gave me posting privilidges a while ago, but I got swamped with work and a class. But I want to at least start. I have two daughters, Tikvah and Ahava (now 4 and 2).

When my wife was pregnant with Ahava, and Tikvah was about 17 months old, we kept trying to get her to understand that a new baby was on the way. We'd have her rub mom's belly and would say "Baby... there's a baby in there!" Then one day I was laying on the floor, on my back, playing with Tikvah. She came over, rubbed my belly, and proudly declared, "BABY!!"

Oops, I need to cut back on the desserts!!

About the Author

2007-12-12T17:57:00.000-06:00

Concentration

2007-12-09T20:51:00.001-06:00

My niece, A (3) was walking last week with my sister-in-law L. They passed by a house with an ornate Nativity scene, complete with large figurines hunched seriously over the baby.

A turned to her mother and said, "Look how hard they are davening (praying)at that bris! They sure have a lot of kavanah (intention, concentration)!"

This Just In..

2007-12-09T18:06:00.001-06:00

We had a Chanuka party, complete with relatives, yummy food, and presents.
YB, age 4, got a little confused between the relatives and the guests...
Instead of asking Uncle Zalmy for some lasagna, he asked for some "Unclezanya!"
(Apparently, he's actually been calling it that since last Chanuka...)

Wonderful

2007-12-05T13:19:00.000-06:00

From my SIL: Ben (5) and Hen (3) were standing on a stool watching me make latkes last night. The stool is a about a foot and a quarter wide, so it was challenging for both of them to stand comfortably. (Ben suggested that we either get another stool or skinnier feet.)

Ben:

Hen, could you tell your yetzer hara to stop pushing me!

And from Elianna (20 mo.)'s first extended sentence, a couple weeks back, as I walked toward the bathroom, to Serach:

"DaDa PP go!"

when chumash class hits home...

2007-12-04T13:48:00.000-06:00

oh gosh. my 2nd graders have more hashkafa in their lives than i do...

NT: My Bubby used to live in Florida, but there were hurricanes, so she moved to Israel, but now there are earthquakes there.

Maybe Hashem is giving her Nisyonos (tests) like He gave Avram!

Prince

2007-11-29T15:43:00.000-06:00

SD (almost 3) has a new therapist working with him. She sometimes, affectionately calls him Prince or Handsome. She told me today that when she called him Prince, SD objected. He said she couldn't call him Prince, but she could call him Handsome!

Ben & Hen

2007-11-19T16:11:00.000-06:00

From my SIL about her two oldest:

On Friday night we were doing Ben's (5) Parsha questions. OD said, "It's great that you remember so much about the parsha!" Ben replied, "Yeah- I have a stupid-pendous brain."

On Shabbos morning, Hen (3) asked me "Is it still Shabbos?" (I think she wanted to do something 'very muktza') I told her it was. She said, "But not so Shabbos, right?"

Bedtime

2007-11-19T13:46:00.001-06:00

We had a babysitter watch the boys last night while Aba and I went out. I told the boys in advance. ZB (4 1/2) told me to tell the babysitter that his bedtime was 10:00. When I told him I wouldn't and that I don't want him up that late, he told me not to tell her when his bedtime was and he would tell her it was 10:00.

Passing Notes

2007-11-19T13:39:00.000-06:00

The PT (age 6) is eating lunch. She puts a spoonful of food in her mouth. Suddenly, she arches her eyebrows and emits a whining tone, but doesn't swallow her food. She runs off to the other room and returns with a note:

I swa
loed a hole
Nootal!

Didn't Come From the Baby Store

2007-11-13T12:40:00.000-06:00

SD (2 1/2) was acting silly. Jokingly, I asked him where he came from. His response-"The big brother store!"

PT Imagery: Jraffs

2007-11-13T08:14:00.000-06:00

Mrs. B and I went to parent/teacher conferences this week and received mostly wonderful reports about all the kids, pfu pfu pfu. We expected to hear...interesting things about The PT, who, if you've been paying attention to all the franchised blogs, is a bit...different.

And of course, we did. She is her own inimitable self and will bow to the will of the masses only slowly and at her own pace. We are not worried about her and do not plan to assign any DSM-4 criteria to her.

One interesting thing we saw last night was an assignment she did for her first grade writing journal. Now, I have done homework with her and watched her write out sentences, and I assure you that this is a grueling experience. The PT doesn't do anything quickly, and writing four lines can easily be a 30 minute affair. I was quite shocked to see this, though (I'm sorry I don't have the original to scan):

JRAFFS (written backwards, of course)

JRaFFs R tol Bcuz
ther long neks.
JRaffS hav brn spts lic
choklet chps in ice crem

Translation:

Giraffes are tall because (of)
their long necks
Giraffes have brown spots like
chocolate chips in ice cream

Even the teacher was surprised by her use of imagery. I'm just shocked she could keep a train of thought going for so long.

when i grow up...

2007-11-08T13:10:00.001-06:00

Today one of my 2nd grade students was helping sweep up after some girls made a mess with playdough during recess. One teacher said to her, "E, you clean up so well. Are you going to become a babysitter when you grow up?" To which E responded,

"No, I wasn't born Spanish."

**My apologies to any Spanish speaking people reading this. Apparently, this student's mother owns an agency which sends out cleaning ladies to people, and apparently, they're all Spanish. Please do not be offended!

Scary Tree

2007-11-06T10:12:00.000-06:00

via my sister-in-law: We were walking on Sunday and passed a tree with a gate around its trunk (only in NY!). Hen (3) explained,

"They thought the tree was a monster."

it's about time...

2007-11-05T15:27:00.000-06:00

the bandwagon has finally picked me up.

so, so many stories; i shall only write the favorites for now.

STORY 1: my friend Aliza called her siblings to say hi.

Gavriel (8) - Yochevy called you to tell you something so funny but I'm going to say it for her.

Yochevy (6) - No! I want to tell her!

G - Ok, I'll just give you a little hint. Yochevy accidentally called the circus before!

Aliza- What? How?

Y- Well, I was trying to call Moshie but the lady on the phone said, "We're sorry, all circuses are busy!"

STORY 2: My friend's nephew visits.

Yisrael (4) (points at floor) - wemember when i sweeped here?

Me - Oh yeah? You swept here with a broom?

Yisrael - No... with a bed.

STORY 3: My 2nd grade student, who has a language delay and frequently mixes up words, comes over to me:

Y: Morah, my stomach is drizzling!

Me: Um, like the rain?

Y: No... like it's kind of making noises (moves hands in circles to illustrate)

Me: Um... grumbling?

Y: **puzzled look** Uh, yeah that.

Advance Planning

2007-11-04T17:50:00.000-06:00

Me (rummaging through Ann's lunchbag after preschool): Why didn't you eat any of the melon I cut up for your snack?

Ann (4): I just didn't want to have a stummyache.

Me: Melon gives you a stomache ache?

Ann: No, but if I ate it all, I would have a stummyache for the cupcake from (boy in class)'s birthday party!

Best part

2007-10-26T14:50:00.000-05:00

This isn't necessarily cute or funny, but it says a lot about who our oldest, Chana (8), is, and I want to remember it. Last week Chana started attending Bnei Akiva, a Zionist youth group that meets periodically on Shabbat for singing, praying, and playing. She had a great time and can't wait for the next meeting. My wife asked her about it afterwards:

Mrs. R: What was your favorite part?

Chana: Mincha.

My Fat Brother

2007-09-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

Note: My brother OD weighs barely half what I do. He's also 5 inches shorter. I like to call him my little brother (he's turning 33 soon). Anyway, here's what his daughter Hen (just turning 3) had to say to my sister-in-law SIL:

Hen: [Shen] came out of your tummy right?
SIL: Yes.
Hen: And also [Ben] and me?
SIL: Yup.
Hen: But not Daddy cuz he doesn't fit.

Nice. Meanwhile, here's what Ben had to say after his first day of school:

Ben made a good friend in school already BH. He told me: _______ is my best friend. He became my friend so quickly. (Sighs and touches his heart) I have so much love for him in my heart. This is what happened. My heart went out of my chest, went into _______'s chest and came back into my chest.

Thanks for the Compliment!

2007-09-01T21:20:00.000-05:00

My parents were coming over to visit, and to take the "bigger kids" out to the playground. From the way, they called to say that they wanted to change plans and take the kids to the beach instead (more time for me to rest with the baby!).

As I raced around packing different gear, changing clothes, and applying sunscreen, Ann (4) remarked, "You're very responsible, Mom!" [Since when did I become 'Mom'?!]

"Thanks, Ann."

"You're welcome, Mom."

Five minutes later:

Ann: "What does responsible mean, anyway?"

Third Eye

2007-08-03T00:31:00.000-05:00

My brother bought KJ a little ball that looks like an eyeball. I put it to my forehead and said, "Look, my third eye" KJ thought that was funny. Today he was climbing the shelf, I asked him, "what are you doing?" He was reaching for something saying, "I want my third eye."

Since there is a police officer spending time talking to him, he has been wearing his belt and toy gun requesting that I call him "Police officer"

not good

2007-07-27T14:27:00.000-05:00

me: i'm not feeling so good today.

the pt: neither is the fish, and he's dead.

All the Rage

2007-07-12T13:11:00.000-05:00

The PT (age 6): Behold, Curly! I feel the rage to jump on you!

Curly (13): Huh?

The PT: YAAAAAAAH!

Curly: AHHHHH!

---

The PT: I feel the rage for some pancakes. Fudge, can you give me some pancakes?

Fudge: ?

---

The PT: I have the rage to sit on the blue chair.

---

The PT: I have the rage for some milk.

Iguana: Uhhh...you want milk?

---

The PT: Uh...HELLO?? Whoever's in the bathroom?? I feel the rage to use the bathrooooooom!!

Wildlife

2007-07-09T19:16:00.000-05:00

I'm going back in time here to something that made me smile about a year and a half ago when Andy was a couple of months old and I started bathing him on the bath sling with Ann next to him in the big bath.

Ann (a little more than 2 and a half at the time): Is the new baby a zoo animal or a farm animal?

Me: What? Your brother is not an animal at all. (Yet . . .)

Ann: But I think he's like a pet.

Me: Why?

Ann: Because look, he has a little tail!

Don't hate me one day for sharing this one, kids!

Courtship

2007-07-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

Chana (8): Daddy, do I have to wait til I'm married to date?

Me: You have to date before you get married.

Chana: Well Sharon's mother said that she can't date until she's done with college and married.

Me: I think Sharon's mom was just joking.

Chana: Oh. (beat) Perhaps in college I'll find a boy I can admire.

Tipping His Hand

2007-07-06T09:21:00.000-05:00

This may be the best story ever...

Ben (4) to his mother (Imma): I don't like getting angry because then I get punished. Well, only if Daddy's taking care of me. He'll put me in time out or something. If it's you then you'll tell me to act nicely next time. But if you're not home or in the bathroom or sleeping, I'll get punished.

Imma: So you think you can act angry when I'm taking care of you because I'm not going to punish you?

Ben (realizing he just tipped his hand): Don't worry, Imma. I'll forget that I said that. I love you Imma! I won't forget that I said that!

Wrong foot

2007-07-01T16:19:00.000-05:00

Ada (2 1/2) is all too familiar with the experience of trying to put her shoe on the wrong foot. She usually figures it out when she realizes she is having way too much trouble than would normally be expected from a harmless velcro shoe. The other day she was trying to put on her sock by herself and the sock just didn't seem to want to cooperate. She turned to me in frustration and asked, "It's the wrong foot?"

Thing 3, Goats, & Cottage Cheese

2007-06-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

Wanna Saab's Thing 3 (also known as my niece) explains the making of cottage cheese.

Thank You Susan

2007-06-25T00:51:00.000-05:00

The neighbor boy came over to play with KJ (4 y/o) they were laying train tracks and KJ said, "Mom help me, it's stuck" so I got down there and fixed it. Neighbor boy says, "Thank you" then KJ said, "Thank you, thank you Susan." (my real name) It just took me by surprise, that's the first time he's ever done that. Then he said, "Oh am I supposed to call you mom?" All three of us laughed.

Super-Frum!

2007-06-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

One of my sisters-in-law (E) related the following story from Danya, her 5-1/2 year old...

Talking about an 18-year old cousin who has been dating a guy in her high school for a while:

Danya: I don't think they're going to get married.
E: Danya, why not?
Danya: Because they know each other.
E: Why is that a problem?
Danya: You don't marry people you know!!
E: (laughing) So Danya, when are you supposed to meet them!?
Danya: At the vort!! [engagement party]

every person has their tachlis

2007-06-18T19:48:00.000-05:00

the pt: fudge, let's play a game.

fudge: ok.

the pt: whenever i say 'situation', i mean job. so it goes like this- what's the situation for a tree?

fudge: um...i don't know.

the pt: to produce...oxygen...DUH.

fudge: oh, ok.

the pt: let's try again. what's the situation for a sidewalk?

fudge: so you can walk on it?

the pt: ding!

fudge: alright!

the pt: what's the situation for a car?

fudge: so you can go far places in it?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for a sign?

fudge: so people know how to drive?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for an acorn?

fudge: so it can grow into a tree?

the pt: ehhhhmp. try again.

fudge: um...so it can be eaten by squirrels?

the pt: to feed squirrels, actually. but so close! ding.

fudge: so much for my winning streak.

the pt: what's the situation for a toy?

fudge: so kids can play with it?

the pt: ding! what's the situation for the garbage?

fudge: so we can throw away stuff we don't need?

the pt: ding. what's the situation for an ant?

fudge: um.....

the pt: (if there is none, you can just go likes this) ::she shrugs::

fudge (shrugs)

the pt: ding! what's the situation for a person?

fudge: uhhh....

the pt: this is so easy.

fudge: uhh..... (shrugs)

the pt: ehhhhhmp. try again.

fudge: uhhhh.....ermmm....to be a....friend?

the pt: ehhhhmo. try again.

fudge: i give up, the pt. what's the situation for a person?

the pt: to work at a hospital. DUH.

2007-06-07T09:20:00.000-05:00

Red Flowers, Arguments, And Insecurities

Definitions

2007-06-05T19:23:00.001-05:00

Chana (almost 8): What does "surrender" mean?

Me: To give up.

Rivka (almost 6): You mean like to forfeit?
----
Chana: What does "bicker" mean?

Me: Bigger? What are you talking about?

Rivka: It means "argue."

Who is Rich?

2007-06-04T10:19:00.000-05:00

The PT (age 6!): Fudge, did you see my rich picture?

Fudge (18): Yes it's very nice. Why is it the 'rich' picture?

The PT: Because they're happy with what they have.

Fudge: I see...what are these?

The PT: Jewels.

Fudge: And that house looks pretty big.

The PT: It's a castle.

Fudge: So they're rich because they live in a castle and have jewels.

The PT: That's why they're happy with what they have!

When Brothers Escape from Yeshiva...

2007-05-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

Instant Message from Fudge (at home):

fudge: abba

fudge: rafiki is here

psychotoddler: what the

fudge: that is what i said

fudge: he appeared like dracula

fudge: from the night

fudge: he says he left his usb drive in the back of your car

psychotoddler: which car

fudge: your red car

psychotoddler: too bad for him

fudge: your midlife crisis vehicle

fudge: your flaming

fudge: uh

fudge: he wants to know if you can fax it over

psychotoddler: fax a flash drive?

fudge: he is not serious apparently

psychotoddler: who can tell

fudge: not i

psychotoddler: how did he get there

fudge: it was like a flash of blinding light

fudge: there was a poof

fudge: i thought it was you, and screamed

fudge: and then he was back alive

psychotoddler: ack!

psychotoddler: this would make a good post

fudge: not really

fudge: but you know what would make a good post

fudge: The PT's coming home in two minutes

fudge: wait till SHE sees him

psychotoddler: he can yell surprise

fudge: it will be 'what the' times two

psychotoddler: more like

psychotoddler: "I want a yogurt"

fudge: what do you know of yoghurts?

psychotoddler: I know there's no h in yogurt

fudge: there are in british ones

fudge: and healthy ones

psychotoddler: the british misspell everything

Oh, brother!

2007-05-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

Mordechai (7) was wondering about Mothers' Day and about how the whole thing got started. I explained to him the whole Hallmark thing. He then asked, "Why don't they have Brothers' Day?"

"Well, um, I don't really know," I replied.

Mordechai shrugged and said, "It doesn't matter anyway because one day I'll be a father."

UPDATE: I was telling the story over to Dovid and Sari (4) piped up to say, quite matter-of-factly, "On Mothers' Day all the non-Jewish fathers take the mothers to a fancy restaurant."

Got that Dovid?

I Just Want my Nose Back

2007-05-02T15:56:00.000-05:00

I brought KJ (4 y/o) to the clinic for red eyes. The pediatrician said she thinks he may have a little conjunctivitis, so she gave him drops. Earlier that morning KJ came into my room and said, "Momma, I need a new nose." I could tell his nose was plugged. So at the clinic the Pediatrician asked, "So how you doing little guy?" KJ said, "I just want my nose back." she said, "Oh, he just wants his nose back doesn't he?"

A Surprise for Mommy

2007-04-30T18:01:00.000-05:00

As we were leaving preschool today, Ann pointed out a row of painted projects that were drying in the hallway outside the classroom. They seemed to be little cups full of earth, a popsicle stick, and some beans.

"Mommy," said Ann, "Do you know what's coming up after Lag Ba'Omer?"

"What?"

"Mother's Day."

"Really?"

"Yes. And we will say thank you for you doing things for us. Like giving us food, or things to eat, or just everything."

"That's very nice, Ann."

"Also, we will give you something. It's a surprise, so I'm not going to tell you that it's a plant! I'll tell you what the surprise is going to be when you open it!"

"I can't wait, Ann!"

JIB Awards!

2007-04-29T09:57:00.000-05:00

We've been nominated (well, by me, but hey, just go with it) for a Jewish and Israeli Blog Award in the Best Group Blog category!

The JIBs are a great way to get new readers introduced to blogs, so let's make a good impression and get our kids to say some truly goofy things!

You can vote here.

Ghost of Fudge

2007-04-25T09:14:00.000-05:00

Our daughter Fudge is away in New York (vote here!), but her spirit lives on in her five-year-old sister:

Mrs. B: Did you eat all these cookies??

The PT: No, I licked them.

What's in a Name?

2007-04-25T09:07:00.000-05:00

Wednesday is recycling day around here, and it was time to get the pile of recyclable paper out to the trash can.

One piece of paper in the pile was a plain, white envelope with Ann's name on it in red marker - the envelope that had contained her "Preschool Graduation" invitation (!).

Ann (3) snatched it out of the pile, and dramatically exclaimed, "My name!! You can't throw my name into the garbage! I need to keep my name for a long, long time!"

Multi-Grain Cheerios

2007-04-24T21:40:00.000-05:00

My niece Henna Baila (2.5) knew what she wanted for breakfast a few days, and was happy announcing it to her parents:

I want Moldy Green Cheerios!

Science Wonders for Kids

2007-04-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

Come check out Talia's blog. She's very excited to have added new questions and would love to get some feedback.

http://www.sciencewonders4kids.blogspot.com/

That's Confusing!

2007-04-19T15:48:00.000-05:00

The PT (holding her arms at her side and her legs together): Look! I'm an "I"!

Me: Or a lower case "L"!

The PT: Erm...why don't they just make a lower case "L" a little "L"? It's too confusing!

Me: I have no idea.

So literal!

2007-04-18T19:47:00.000-05:00

At the hotel, in the children's dining room, as I'm bringing some chicken over to Ada (2 1/2):

Me: Ada, look! I got you the best chicken in the house.

She (laughing at the "joke"): Dis not a house!

And then, a short while later...

Me (hugging her to pieces): I love you, baby doll.

She (looking at me like I'm an idiot): I not a doll, I'm a Ada!

Private - Keep Out

2007-04-16T17:48:00.000-05:00

In light of the recent rains, Ann (3) has taken to insisting that all her clothes are "wet from the storm" whenever we get home.

Today after preschool, she took everything off and was a little slow to get dressed in something "dry".

"Ann," I said, "You can start by getting another pair of underwear."

Her reply: "Um, Mommy? How about if we don't talk about things that are 'privacy'. Okay?"

Recipe for Egg Salad

2007-04-14T20:55:00.000-05:00

Mrs. B: Iguana, you can make some egg salad if you want. Do you know how?

Iguana (10): I think I do. You add salt, pepper, mayonnaise and...mustard.

Mrs. B: Right.

The PT (5): Erm...I think you need some eggs...because they call it "egg salad."

2007-04-13T12:40:00.001-05:00

Blum offerings

Things to Look Forward to:

2007-04-13T12:09:00.000-05:00

Your kids get driver's licenses and borrow your car!

Cell Phone: Uh...Abba?

Abba: Hello? Who is this?

Moe.

What are you doing on Fudge's cell phone?

She drove me to the orthodontist.

And?

And the keys are in the car...but we aren't.

And?

And...we called Mommy but she can't pick us up...because we have the car.

And?

And...you're in clinic seeing patients, so she got Grampa to agree to go to your office and get your car key and bring it over here so we can get in.

I see.

Aren't you going to say something?

Is there something that NEEDS to be said?

Uh...I guess not.

The only way this could be worse would be if the car were still running.

Hello?

My family's future

2007-03-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

My school was giving away some (really) old iMacs. Not one to turn down a freebie, I figured I'd bring it home for the kids to play with and learn to type on, etc.. They were absolutely overjoyed when they saw it. As I was putting it together, they were dancing around me excitedly. When I turned it on, Mordechai caught his breath in a little gasp and looked at me with shining eyes and said, "Does this mean we can have our own blogs?"

Looks like I'm headed down the same road taken by the PT family. G-d help the blogosphere.;)

Kie-Wak-Eee

2007-03-23T16:05:00.000-05:00

Since Kaiser was taken kayaking last summer he has not forgotten it. He saw a commercial on TV yesterday of two men kayaking and said, "Mom, I wanna go Ky-wak-eeeeee." I like the way he said it. I had to keep asking him, "what is it called?"

"Kie-Wa-Keeeee"

Quote

2007-03-22T22:46:00.000-05:00

Sari (4) and Ada (2) went down the hall to visit Penina. Apparently she wasn't home because no one answered their knocks. Sari came back to the door and was holding it open, urging Ada to come back home while Ada was stubbornly holding her ground. After a moment or two of this, Sari called out:

Mom, I need some assistance.

Me (surprised to hear her use that word): Assistance, eh? Where did you hear that? Who says that?

Sari (with a mischievous twinkle in her eye): Daddy says that to you.

Me: He does? When?

Sari: When I'm not going to bed!

No Wonder She Is So Good At Scrabble

2007-03-19T16:12:00.000-05:00

She is my 7 1/2 year old daughter. She has a great vocabulary and loves to play boggle and scrabble.

When we play word games with her, we are often pleasantly surprised by her choice of words she uses, and other times, we are stunned. She is the cunning, oops I mean the quiet observer and listener. She's always been this way.

So why should I be so shocked when, out of the blue last night, she asked me -

"Momma, what does Shmuck mean?"

Clearing my throat, I said, "Uh, what?"

"Shmuck. I heard you use it when you were talking about your friend."

"Um, well, uh, a Shmuck is a jerk. When someone is acting like a big jerk, that's what it means."

"Hmm", she sighed to herself.

"Then, momma, there is sure a lot of Shmucks at my school."

"Well, Nat, I am sure there are, but it's not a word you want to use at school."

Let's just save it for Scrabble. How many points is it worth?